2 posts tagged “family”

Let me start off this post by announcing the very good news.  As of yesterday, I've found it necessary to tighten my belt by another notch.  As I was walking through the office in the morning, I felt my jeans start to do the "let's wiggle down the hips" dance.  This rather excited me.

Granted, I'm mystified by this discovery, as the scales at the mall announced two weeks ago that I haven't lost much if any weight.  It says I'm still at 277 pounds.  (Which might be down by five to eight pounds, but that's it.)  And yet, I'm tightening my belt.  And this is after going from a 44 waist to a 42 waist.  And to be honest, I don't care what the scales say, as long as I continue to inch towards the physical dimensions I had back in high school.

This past weekend, I had a pleasant time at my parents' house.  I left work a couple hours early so that I could pack and give Precious time to settle before I put her in her kennel for the two hour drive.  I ended up getting to PA around 8pm.  That evening, my parents and I just sat around the house and had a pleasant chat.

Precious spent the first twenty four hours or so having issues with the presence of the (increasingly mis-named) barn cats.  She apparently felt threatened by them.  But eventually, she figured out that they'd run away from her if she chased them, so that became a sport for her.  I'm waiting for the day the barn cats decide it's time to chase her!

Saturday, we ended up watching a couple of movies, but otherwise just spent the day enjoying each other's company and chatting some more.  Apparently, they'd never seen "A Series of Unfortunate Events" before, which shocked me.  So that was one of the movies we watched.  They both enjoyed it, and it was good for a few laughs.

Sunday, we had the traditional ham dinner for Easter.  I even brought home some leftovers.  (I plan to make a ham sandwich to bring to work for lunch, but I keep getting home too late to do it.)  Sunday evening, my aunt and uncle came over to visit, so I ended up leaving for Rochester later than I planned.  However, it ended up being a nice visit, and I got to find out how some of my cousins are doing.  I even got to see video clips from Chris's one mile race at the Division II National Championships for indoor track and field.

Overall, it was a pleasant weekend.

In my previous entry, I talked about my perspective changed in regards to getting involved with a guy who has kids.  It seems proper to note that while I've only become fully aware of this change, the actual change process has been a long time in the works.  In fact, I can trace its beginnings back as early as 2001.

Back in 2001, I met Mike, who I ended up dating for four years.  Mike didn't have any children of his own, but was fiercely devoted two his sister's two sons, especially David, who was in his mid teens at the time.  In fact, he was so devoted to them, you would've thought they were his own kids.

Again, this level of devotion was very attractive for me, for all of the same reasons I mentioned in the previous post.  And there was the fact that Mike was devoted and close to his family in general, including his mother.  (To be honest, he struck me as something of a "momma's boy" at times.)  That in itself was also an attractive quality.  I myself have always been close to my family, so it was nice to see that reflected in the person I was with.  Of course, I also think that it was a bit of a comfort to me, as my family was becoming more distant at the time, too.  So it was nice to be reminded that such closeness could still last, even if not in my family.  (Fortunately, things are on the mend in my own family now.)

Of course, in the end, Mike's closeness with his family contributed significantly to the end of our relationship.  This is mainly because in the four years we dated, Mike never reached the point where he was comfortable coming out to his family.  This meant that he spent that entire time leading a double life, keeping our relationship safely separated from his relationship with his parents, sister, and nephews.  This also meant that when his time was limited, that time was usually spent with his family rather than me.  After a while, that simply became unacceptable to me.  Along with other issues, I finally confronted him and ended our relationship when he admitted he was unwilling to do anything to resolve these issues.

In retrospect, I don't hold Mike's devotion to his family against him, even if it did contribute to the end of our relationship.  To this day, I consider that a positive quality and something I'd still find attractive.  However, I do take issue with his unwillingness to integrate his devotion to me and his devotion to his family, because his failure to do so was the real problem.  To this day, that fact is something of a sore spot in my life, though I've mostly made my peace.

Through the grapevine, I've come to understand that Mike's gone back to dating girls, and has been with the same girl for at least a year now.  I guess things are going quite well, at least from what I can gain from indirect sources.  When I first found out about this, I was deeply hurt.  In fact, I won't say I don't still feel a twinge of pain over it now.  However, I've come to be more accepting of his choices, and I hpoe he can truly find happiness with this woman.  After all, I don't think he'd ever find happiness with me or any other guy.  Because it's become clear to me that he could never make that choice that would ultimately be necessary.  So I hope he can find happiness in the choices he has made.

I know I have.  And to be honest, I'm starting to realize that my new choices since breaking up with him have offered me more chances for happiness than I ever would've had with him.  (I just hope that doesn't sound too cruel.)